by Lena A. Lien © 2023

The weeks and months passed. My day was pretty regular as things like eating, sleeping, or bathing were routinely scheduled as well as diligently studying. The work was sometimes exciting, as Irene and Kalle often brought new women into the apartment. Some I already knew over time and was happy every time Dagmar or Anja came. The piggy bank became fat and round and had to be emptied every Friday.

Kalle also came up with new things like filming when Anni visited me. Often he tried to direct Anni and me nosy around, what we should do how and when. But we usually got going at some point and then we fucked so that it just cracked! Poor Kalle could then only continue to shoot or put the camera with artificially played despair from the hand. Not infrequently, however, he tore down his shirt and also the pants, knelt impatiently next to me until I was done and then made it quite wild with the Anni, gentlemen!


Irene did not like to be filmed, but she liked to fuck insanely. Often she and Anni lay next to each other, Kalle and I above them and the poor bed cracked that you could get scared. But they were very sweet and fair to each other, she never begrudged him Anni and he never begrudged her that she had so much pleasure with me.

My working hours shifted noticeably into the week; Friday, Saturday and Sunday the women had to be at home with their husbands and therefore could not come to me for secret doings and fucking. Sister Veronika then had the idea that I should simply spend my days off, as often as I could, back at the convent, since she still had much to learn with me.

In addition, many war refugees came and Irene and Kalle had their hands full in the dance hall. Soon I learned to go ahead to the red light and take one of the buses out to the monastery. I had received a card from Irene with the address of the monastery and Kalle's dance hall on it. When I got stuck, I showed the driver my card and he was able to deliver me correctly. Nevertheless, I preferred to go with Kalle and his Fleetwood, because we two real daredevils had much more fun driving than when I went by bus.

Once Kalle and I drove one evening through a glaring light and afterwards I only remember that a child's voice whispered in my head that Kalle's fan belt would not make it much longer. I said: "Kalle's fan belt won't make it much longer" and Kalle looked over at me at an angle: "What do you think, little Jan?" I looked at him big and said, "I don't know, Kalle, the voice says your fan belt won't do it for long!" Kalle looked at me rather stupidly, but kept silent and said nothing. But the day after next, in the evening, he whispered to Irene that I was hearing voices and that the fan belt had actually snapped in the afternoon, for God's sake! Did she understood that?

The convent was also flooded with war refugees, many sisters had left and only a handful remained with the Mother Superior. Kalle cursed contemptuously and once said, that's what they got for it, they should have stayed with Rome, these godless women, now the convent didn't even belong to the church anymore, but I didn't understand. Sister Veronika could not really explain it to me either, but it had to do with obedience and not obeying the Mother Superior to do, but the promise not to fuck wanted to keep Veronika nevertheless necessarily further.

Anyway, the convent was full of strangers coming and going and the sisters had to slave for two, Irene said. But she and Kalle also had a lot to do in the dancing shed; once I was allowed to ride with Kalle when they took a truck up, but then Kalle said, "Boy, no offense, but it's easier if you stay home next time, okay?" and I nodded, "Okay, Kalle!" because he was the head boss and then that applied to Irene and me, too. Kalle needed the truck shops and the containers and the washing machines and televisions, because a lot of people were coming all the time, for whom all this was provided.

Sister Veronika liked me even better than before, because when she had to send Sister Maria away from the convent and I told her that I now had no one to fuck, she smiled and said she would pray and surely find something. On the upper floor there were only the Mother Superior and Sister Veronika, the two others slept downstairs with the children in the refugee dormitories. When we went to bed and Sister Veronika had finished her prayer on the wooden stool, she came to bed trembling and quivering as usual. She whispered, "Are you still thinking about my promise, little Jan?" and I said, "Yes, Veronika, the stupid promise about not fucking." She nodded and said that it wasn't really fucking if I squirted in her butthole, and if I liked it better than with her hand, that would be fine with her. I thought out loud, "It's already really better with the butt than with the hand. Besides, you too like that better than the other way!" Thus the situation was clarified.

Veronika lay down on her stomach, spread her arms wide apart like a crucified woman, and lifted her butt. From that day on we could assfuck as often as we wanted and she quivered, trembled and cried because she loved it when my little fingers rubbed her clit so she came to the end quite wonderfully in the process and so did I because it was almost like the real fucking after all and I loved Veronika crying just as sadly as she loved the nailed‐on Christ. When I asked her, she said it was not the same as fucking, she had made her promise after all! I did not understand the difference, but I was just the little stupid Jan.

During the week I dutifully did my work and had a lot of fun with the women, Irene and Anni, with whom I mostly only filmed or fucked when Kalle and Irene had invited a large company to watch. I learned well and taught everything to the old bear, who looked forward just like me to Friday afternoon, when it went to Veronika by bus. Veronika was always very happy and sometimes we disappeared mischievously early in her cell, when I needed it very, very much or she whispered secretly in my ear that she wanted to shiver right now. But we kept everything a great secret, honestly. The popes in Rome would never know, but also no one else.

The new Sister Theresa had been there for a few weeks, she was small, fat, round and very, very sweet; she came from somewhere in the East. She was still wearing a dark blue habit, because she had not yet made the promise, but I noticed how quickly she had made friends with Veronika and replaced Sister Maria on bath day. She was very, very skillful in rubbing Veronika's clit and Veronika let her do it any morning. That was when I was still in town a lot and that was when Veronika didn't bathe not with us on weekends.

Once we had just provided the refugee children with snacks and I asked Sister Theresa if she liked to bathe together? Sister Veronika looked up from washing dishes and shook her head, but I saw it too late and Sister Theresa asked with her funny accent what that was. I was unsure because maybe Veronika didn't want to talk about it after all, so I said, "It's a bath day, where you bathe and wash together and everything!" Sister Theresa looked uncertainly at Veronika and then said, "But Sister Veronika and I always bathe together!" Oh, she blushed a little bit!

Sister Theresa, I already liked her very much! The first stranger I met, who had a funny accent and was so sweet and friendly that my heart just flew to her! I had red ears when I helped her to carry something heavy in spite of my much too short arms, she was as young as Anni, but just a round chubby and looked very funny in her frock. Sister Veronika told me that I should not adore Theresa so much, that she would become very embarrassed! Of course, I immediately asked about the blue robe and about how it was with the promise, but there Veronika became rather violent and meant, the Theresa is not however for fucking there, dear Jan! I swallowed and promised to be sensible, but that was quite a lie, because Theresa and I later fucked and we took a bath together, didn't we? And that came so.

I was Sister Veronika so long in the ears that I would like so much to bathe with her again together, until she agreed, yes, next Saturday we two would bathe together. I whispered this to Sister Theresa and told her to keep it a secret. I was very happy, because that would certainly be a great surprise for Sister Veronika, but then she asked me what I was so happy about and then I told her. There she first wobbled her head and pretended to be angry, but it was only played.

Then she said, that does not matter, that is already right so and has again a little smiled. I then said that we have bathed earlier also with the sister Maria, whether she had forgotten that? No, Veronika answered after some thought, she had not forgotten, she bathes now with Sister Theresa. I thought about it, then I asked in a conspiratorial tone whether she was also bathed by Theresa as finely as by Sister Maria? Veronika blushed and was silent at first; then she nodded mutely. By then I knew everything and was looking forward to Saturday.

It really was as I had thought it would be. We met all three in the big Bathroom. I was the first to be put in the water, then they both undressed and joined me in the big tub. I sat again on Veronika's lap and looked at the pretty little Theresa, who was really a swift bee naked, gentlemen! The Kalle would have winked there certainly violently, the hell, if he had seen us there in the bathroom!

First it was still very new for all of us and we washed and splashed funny. But then the sister Theresa looked more and more often to my cock, which was swollen and I turned to Veronika, that I wanted to please squirt now! She delayed it for a very long time, but then reached forward and made me squirt. Sister Theresa got quite out of her mind while watching and grinned up to both ears when it splashed out under water and swam away in small flakes.

Sister Veronika had long since gotten the strong trembling and quivering and now placed me next to the bathtub to dry off, then stood up and faced the wall as before. Sister Theresa already knew quite well what that meant and how she had to do it and made Veronika tremble, shake and cry very sweetly and quickly, when Theresa rubbed her clit and then rubbed her a second time. This took much longer and Veronika shivered, shaked and screamed at the End. Veronika dressed me and whispered with tears how sorry she was and Sister Theresa whispered back that it had been good, hadn't it? Then we scurried out. The day's routine began.

I went to the flowers on Sunday morning to clear away the weeds, Sister Theresa came later to help. Sister Veronika then had to go to the refugees to work, I stayed alone with Theresa and we talked a bit. I asked her if she would take off the promise about not fucking, but I had to explain fucking first because she didn't seem to know the word. Then she blushed and said, yes, she also wanted to become a real sister, a nun, a sister too. Then we talked about bathing together and I asked if she already knew about squirting. She lied, No, she had seen it for the first time, but she had already heard how it works. Wouldn't Veronika also rub her clit after the bath? At first she didn't want to say anything and only blushed a little, but then she said no, but after the promise she might, now she does it herself and only very rarely. But that was a real lie, because she did it often, but every night and with big pleasure, she said, but I only found that out later. Then she explained to me that Veronika never does it herself because of the promise and for that there is another sister who helps her little clit, like me, as if she had no hands of her own like me. And Veronika liked it two times.

I already knew that and said I thought it would be better if Sister Theresa did it herself because it is always an advantage if you can do something yourself and you do not have to be helped by others. But the fucking, that would be my favorite, and if she wanted, we could do it together. But Sister Theresa was still a little red in the face and quickly said, no, no, no, she wanted to make the big promise later on and was not allowed to. I nodded and said, yes, I've heard that one too, the stupid promise.

The next weekend Veronika was very sweet to me, after the squirting in her asshole we lay very gently in bed and I asked that we would like to bathe together again. But it went only the following weekend.

This time I drove back to town with Kalle. He had brought a whole trunk full of canned food for the refugees, because the Mother Superior said that a whole big guy like him could also do something for the poor pigs and Kalle didn't like to be ordered around by her, but then he did. He just didn't like the stupid feeling when she barked sternly and seriously "Thank you!" and smiled at him sweetly and tenderly with her eyes. On his way out, he usually growled that the old goat was still getting to him, for crying out loud.

He asked on the way home if I had heard anything again about the fan belt, I listened and then said I didn't hear anything. "No," said the little voice in my head, "there's nothing wrong with the car, but Kalle's watch had stopped, did he know?" I asked Kalle if his watch had stopped, and everything was okay with the car, the little voice would have said. Kalle laughed out loud and said, what a stupid thing to say, everything's okay with his watch, what the hell! But then he was still unsure and looked and it was of course broken.

Irene became quite weak and had to sit down when Kalle told everything and said that Jan hears voices again and the clock had stopped. I comforted Irene very sweetly and stroked her chest, she should not be afraid, I do not hear voices now. Later, after the joint groping and fucking, everything was forgotten again and Kalle mumbled while falling asleep, he would still ask the watchmaker, how I could know that, the hell! But I was already dreaming of Veronika and Theresa and bathing together.

A few days later, the little voice spoke up, just as I was learning through the animal books with the old bear and eating an apple. "I'm Lena," the little voice said, "hopefully you can hear me now?" I nodded and said aloud, "Yes, Lena," and was a little startled because my voice sounded so loud and Lena's voice sounded so soft in my head. Then there was a long silence, and then I turned the page, and there, in the middle of the jungle under the waterfall, now sat a little long‐haired girl in a white, translucent nightgown, smiling at me. I have never seen a naked girl smile in my book and was about to close it, when she held up the pages with her hand and spoke directly to me.

"Hey, I am Lena! Don't you like me?". What was I supposed to answer? "How did you get in my book, ha?" Lena scratched her head, then said, "You are the only one who can see and hear me. I'll be with you from now on, advising you in everything and teaching you things you don't know yet — I'll be your friend, if you want."

I thought. I already had a friend, the old bear, actually. Then there was Veronika and Theresa, and I had parents too, Irene, Karl and Anni. Anni maybe not, but she was perhaps rather the best Friend of Kalle and Irene and of me.

"I don't know!" said I. Lena smiled, then she said I would think about it still think quite differently, she would teach me everything and I would be able to learn everything.

"You mean I wouldn't be the stupid Jan anymore, who can't count and can't write or read properly?" Lena looked at me long smiling, so that I was already quite queasy, then she said, "Yes, but only if you want it right!"


Then I sat and thought for a long time, looking at the little girl in the Jungle scrub looked at, which was completely naked under the translucent robe and had a dear figure. She had no pubic hair, her slit was clearly visible and when I looked intensely I could see the tip of her clit between her labia. She was certainly younger than Veronika and Theresa, perhaps younger than —

"I'm sixteen," Lena said, smiling broadly. "How do you know what I'm thinking?" I asked, puzzled. "Because I'm inside your head and can see everything there; what you see, feel and think. Except when you specifically say you want to be alone."

Then I was very amazed. I had a little naked girl in my head.

I looked at her pubis for a while longer, then said I had learned enough now and closed the book.

The next weekend I sat all Saturday with Mother Superior, she had become very ill and Sister Veronika and Sister Theresa had to deal with the refugees all day. I was able to help out by bringing her water or other little things to her bed or pulling the blanket up to her chin when she fell asleep. In general, there was so much going on now that Veronika had only a short time for me in the evening and our game was off; tired and weary, she did it to me quickly with her hand and immediately turned to the wall to fall asleep.

The Mother Superior was still very ill and lay in her bed almost all the time, so I was allowed to sit next to her and study. That was fine, because there I could ask her when I wanted to know something from the book, and she was terribly clever and knew everything, although she was already so old. Once she accompanied me limping and leaning on a stick to the bathroom because I had to pee. She held my cock into the toilet and let my water run, soft and warm her hand held my cock. She was not at all afraid of my cock, which felt pleasurably comfortable in her warm palm and began to awaken.

I asked her if she had also made the promise not to fuck like the Veronica and she nodded with a grin, yes she had. "But playing with your clit, you do, don't you?" I asked. She vigorously pushed the foreskin back and forth a few times so that the last drops would come out, slowly shook the drops from my cock, shook it long and conscientiously so that it awakened a bit more, still thought long and finally said, "No, not anymore, I'm pretty old, too old for that!" She held my cock without the slightest hesitation as I pushed my hard‐on back and forth a little in her hand. "And let the cock squirt, that you do?" She looked thoughtfully and musingly at my cock, which was traveling back and forth in her hand as if in a warm tunnel, acquiescing to my thrusting for a few more moments. I quickly darted back and forth and almost felt it coming. Then she shook her head and smiled, "No, little Jan, that too not!" She held my cock until I squirted and waited patiently for me to finish squirting. She wiggled the cock intensely so the last drops fell. She slowly and awkwardly tucked the cock into my pants, even though I would have loved to squirt a second time right now, then we walked back to her bedside where she lay down groaning. I asked her later nothing more.

I sat there dutifully and studied again in my book, feeling myself from minute to minute hornier and waited impatiently until the Mother Superior had dozed off. Then I contorted myself acrobatically, got rid of my pants and devoted myself to my poor cock, which had been neglected for so long. I must have made a noise, because Mother Superior half awoke and breathed, "But what are you doing, little Jan?" I turned a little so that she could see better what I was doing, but she didn't seem to like that either, because she said, "Oh stop it!" and "Go, please do it somewhere else!" but I was already so engrossed that I couldn't go anywhere else like that. She protested some more, then fell silent, closed her eyes, and dozed off again.

Later, however, she blinked over secretly and watched as I struggled — hell again — like a twisted worm, finally coming to the end and squirted. I took a cloth and wiped it all away, contorted myself like a snake again, and put my pants on reasonably neatly. Mother Superior lay there wearily, pretending to wake up only now, and asked, "Do you like to squirt often, little Jan?" and I answered truthfully that I did it as often as I wanted, and that was certainly a couple of times or more per day. But so alone I almost never have to slave away, sometimes I have the fucking, because I have not made the stupid promise, to the nailed Christ.

The Mother Superior listened to this frowning, then she asked, "And, what else?" I thought, convulsively considering what was secret and what was not, and that one must not lie to the Mother Superior so easily, and said, "Mostly Veronica does it to me with her hand, Venerable Mother!" For I had learned what her proper name was. She laughed chuckling and said that of course she knew that, and that was the end of the matter. But I should please not do it at her bedside. Please. I nodded, yes, all right. "It just made me want to pee, because it was so fine squirting in your hand" I added, hoping that it would make her more friendly. But she only looked even more serious, and I was now a little uncertain.

"Remind her that she used to do that too!" Lena's little voice advised me. "You said, Reverend Mother, that you don't do that now, but you used to, you had that pleasure too!" said I defiantly, trying to look at her sternly too. She stumbled, then smiled: "Well, well, my clever little fellow! Yes, that's right, I was still young then and felt the urges. But now I'm old and I don't need that pleasure anymore." She thought for a moment, then mused, "Since I stopped following the Roman popes with my convent, most of the nuns have left. What has remained are those who were transferred here because they could not cope with their urges — as I used to be. Still, we try to keep to our faith and our vows, even though we are all just little sinful people." She closed her eyes and that was the end of the subject. "Well done!" said Lena's voice in my head, and I whispered silently that that had been a swell idea of hers, thanks!

In the evening, when Veronika lay down with me, I told her. She immediately stopped shaking and trembling and again asked excitedly what exactly had happened and what exactly had been said. When I told her about the nuns who had left, she looked quite serious; then she muttered to herself that indeed only the fallen angels had remained. She thought it was a real nonsense with Lena's voice, but otherwise she seemed to find the whole thing rather amusing and caressed and hugged me, how cleverly I had mastered the situation. Veronika grinned and said that her face she would have liked to see, when after peeing I wagged my cock back and forth in her hand until it squirted! I only had to promise not to squirt in the room of the sick Mother Superior, because that was not appropriate, then we teased and loved each other as usual.

In the morning we went bathing together. But no sooner were we sitting in the tub than the door was quietly opened and Sister Theresa asked if she could come to us, please. Sister Veronika seemed annoyed at first but then said yes and Theresa joined us in the tub. After the tickling and splashing, I knelt in the middle again and asked Veronika to do it now. Veronika waited a while, as usual, then nodded and just started, when Sister Theresa asked if she could do it, she wanted to learn it too. Sister Veronika got a little upset, but I said, "Yes, please!" and then Veronika had to nod too. So I turned around and sat on Theresa's lap and she did it to me, although Veronika was quite jealous. Theresa pressed me against her breasts with one hand, peeked over my shoulder to the front and rubbed quickly with the other hand, holding my cock above water so she could see everything exactly as it squirted through the air in a high arc, right into the water in front of Veronika, whose lips were already quivering suspiciously.

I washed off quickly, then got out of the tub and stood still with the bath towel draped around me. Veronika was about to get up to face the wall, trembling, when Sister Theresa leaned back with pleasure and looked at her very, very sweetly, "Please, Sister Veronika, do me now!" Veronika had to think for a long time, but Theresa asked again and again, lolling hornily and lasciviously in the water, feeling her cleft and rubbing her little clit. After some time Veronika carefully grabbed between Theresa's thighs and did it to her, clumsily and very hard. She was already trembling with passion and shaking like a leaf, but Theresa took great pleasure in it and rejoiced at the end, it was so nice! At last, Veronika still stood there leaning against the tiles, stretched her buttocks far out and soon came to crying, trembling and quivering end under Theresa's tender fingers upon her clit, then Theresa made it a second time.

While dressing, I whispered again to Sister Theresa that I liked fucking very much, even better than getting it done by hand, but only if she wanted to, because of the promise of course. She smiled quietly and shook her head as we got dressed.

On the bus ride home, I talked to Lena for a long time. She was there now as a matter of course, sitting next to me on the bus, but she calmed me down right away and said that no one but me could see her, so she didn't need a ticket. Then she told me that the first thing she wanted to do was to teach me how to read quickly, I should ask Kalle for the newspaper tonight.

Kalle was blindsided. Never before had I wanted to look at a newspaper and now I cheekily claimed that I wanted to read it. He laughed and said, "Well, read it!" Lena said, "Troop reinforcements arrived north of Nuremberg — Munich surrounded!" and Kalle fell out of all clouds when I repeated this heavy sentence fluently. I went into the small room to the boxes with the washing machines and began to read the newspaper with Lena. Kalle and Irene were arguing in the kitchen and probably for the first time in his life Kalle got a little slap in the face from his wife. But then Irene looked in and left the room with a rather pale face, because now I could read properly.

From now on I studied with Lena, and I learned quickly and everything.

On Friday, the bus took me again to the monastery behind Reinbek, on the road to Lübeck. The flow of refugees had broken off at short notice and there were very few people left. Sister Veronika had a lot of time for me and was surprised that I was reading a newspaper. When I read some lines aloud to her, she was silent for a long time and asked since when I could read. I said only since last week, that the little voice was called Lena and would teach me to read. Veronika took me frightened to her breast and cried for a long time and very desperately, I should please not talk about voices, it frightened her terribly. Then we cried and made love fiercely, as we had not done for ages.

Saturday at noon, I crept away from the sleeping Mother Superior, went to my room because I had to squirt so urgently. No sooner had I struggled out of my pants and started stroking my cock than the door opened quietly and Sister Theresa came in. She blushed embarrassed when she saw me rubbing the cock and wanted to run away again, but I told her to please stay and sit next to me. She quietly obeyed and sat on the edge of the bed. I gave her a firm kiss and felt her breast with my small fingers. She did not resist and closed her eyes. I caressed her for a long time and noticed the good sign, the stiffly swollen breast teats. Carefully I stroked and caressed her thighs through the cowl, then slowly pulled the cowl higher. She looked at me briefly, then closed her eyes again. I leaned against her so hard that she had to lean back, lay back, and lay on top of her. I pushed and churned up and down with my belly until the cowl slid higher and higher. She shook her head, but then, blushing, she dutifully pulled the frock up over her belly.

"No, please don't, Jan!" she whispered, opening her legs very slowly and almost imperceptibly. "Please, yes, dear Theresa, I want to fuck!" said I, rubbing my body on her naked belly. She shook her head and whispered, "No, please don't!" and held me by the back, holding me pressed tightly against her and slowly opened her thighs wider.

"Yes, please, yes!" I said and searched for her cleft with my cock. Sister Theresa tilted her head to the side with her eyes closed and held me very gently, directing my back with one hand until I found the cleft with my cock. "No, please don't!" she whispered, but her dear, chubby body relaxed and yearned toward me, her hand directing my cock through the cleft into the little hole, her hymen tore apart instantly when my cock went in gently and deeply, and then we fucked for a long time. "Please don't cum inside!" still whispered Theresa, then she gasped a little, and when it came to me, I dutifully pulled out the cock, pushed it against the cleft from the outside and let the semen splash into her dark frizzy hair.

I was still lying on her belly, quite tired, when her hand slowly crept to her cleft and quickly rubbed the clit. I was shaken back and forth on her belly for quite a long time. Theresa's face contorted as she came very fast and hugged me very tightly. Then she relaxed to catch her breath.

"It was very nice, Jan!" she whispered, and I whispered back that it was very nice for me, too, and that we could do it like that all the time now. But she shook her head and murmured that it should never happen again. But that was another lie, I knew that right away. We talked for a long time, Theresa wanted to know everything about me and also how it was with me and fucking and squirting. I told her almost everything that didn't have to be kept secret and Theresa whispered that she does it often and often with her little clit when it pushes her very much, every night. And that it was also a big headache for her, because it would be difficult with the convent and the promise. I comforted her a little, because all the nuns I know do it, one this way and the other that way, because the ones who stayed here were the fallen angels. I was proud that I had remembered that. She wondered if bathing together was not merely a circumvention of the promise. Later, we scurried quietly out; she to the dining room and I to the sick Mother Superior.

At dinner, I glanced briefly over at Sister Theresa and made a sign to her with my eyes, how beautiful it had been. She turned away and continued working. Later Veronika and I went to our room, Veronika first prayed for a long time on the wooden stool and then asked how my day had been today. I told her about Mother Superior and about reading and learning with Lena. Then I had to brood for a long time, which I never had to do before. Finally I asked, "Can I tell you something because you are my very dearest Veronika, but what might make you sad?" She looked at me firmly and said we had enough trust in each other, I should tell her even if it made her sad.

I told her and she got sad, she cried and cried until I joined in and cried too. When she snoozed in between and just didn't cry, I asked her why she was crying. She scolded me a dear little fool and said that she was only crying because she loved me so much. I didn't understand that right away, because I loved her too. Lena also cried a little, and that made me insecure. Lena breathed, that Veronika has you quite insanely dear and if you fuck another girl, you dumbass, then it hurts her, damnit!

I replied that Veronika was not allowed to fuck and that fucking was very nice after all. Both nodded and Veronika said, "Forgive me, I was unfair, of course you can do what you want to do" and cried again. Then I said that if she had to cry so much, then I wouldn't fuck Theresa anymore, but I had to fuck at work. Veronika slowly stopped crying and said, no, go ahead and I said okay.

Then we held each other again and I held sad Veronika too, because Lena made me grow new long arms. Veronika kept her eyes closed and no longer cried, enjoyed the embrace and whispered that I was a good boy because I loved her so much and trusted her so much. For a long time I caressed her and then we did it again as usual, and when she was asleep I wanted to see again how my new long arms looked, but they were not there at all. Lena smiled sweetly and said that only I could have felt that, the arms were not really there, but it would have made Veronika happy.

Over the next few months, we all made love as often as we could, the best time was with Veronika, because we loved each other so much with our hearts that we had to cry, but sometimes I liked fucking with Theresa a lot too, hell too! Once, when we were both sitting at Mother Superior's in the afternoon, I had to pee quickly and Theresa went along to help with the pants, holding my cock while the water drained. "Oh, nice and stiff he's gotten!" she said in the middle of it, smiling and rubbing a bit. I felt the pleasure immediately and asked her if she didn't want to fuck me right now, but she just shook her head and did it very quickly with her hand, letting the sperm flakes splash merrily into the toilet. Then we went back to Mother Superior, who was still asleep and we giggled mischievously, because she had not noticed anything.

Veronika no longer cried, made love to me every evening with the greatest pleasure, because for she the pleasurable splashing in the asshole was most beautiful, and if she cried now, then with joy and pleasure. Sometimes she was so confused that she then still went naked to the wooden stool and prayed to the Christ, giving thanks for this beautiful feeling and then weeping bitterly because of the stupid promise.

Lena and I sat one afternoon with Mother Superior, who was deep in dreams and tossing and turning, the blanket and nightgown gradually slipping. Lena said that Mother Superior would not live much longer, soon she would have to go to the angels, and I cried, thinking of Mother, who was also already with the angels. Lena said she was dreaming something of fucking. I had to smile a little again at the thought. Then I said very quietly to Lena that perhaps the Mother Superior should have a nice time before she left. Lena looked at me for a long time, then said, "She dreams of having the clit rubbed," and smiling, she went to the Mother Superior, felt under the blanket for her, and the Mother Superior sighed deeply and happily in her sleep as Lena gently did it to her with her fingers. Mother Superior bent her knees and the blanket gave the sight to her old cunt. I watched very closely how her clit became stiff and hard when Lena rubbed it. There was a quiet, serene smile in her trembling sigh as she came to the end of her dream. Then Lena covered her up again and we read and continued to learn.

Later the Mother Superior began to gasp loudly, I became frightened and Lena said I should go and get Veronika now. I ran into the courtyard and looked for Sister Veronika, which I usually never did. "The Mother Superior is gasping very loudly, and Lena thinks she must soon go to the angels!" I whispered to her, and she startled. Quickly she went up the stairs ahead of me. Arrived in the room she saw immediately that Lena was right.

We knelt beside her bed, Veronika praying half aloud. The Mother Superior awoke. "I am leaving soon, Sister Veronika, and I leave you a house that has broken away from Rome forever and stands all alone. You are the strongest of all, I leave you in charge." Sister Veronica kept her head lowered and wept silently. The Mother Superior stroked my head with her hand and whispered that I should take good care of the sisters. "And no foolishness, little Jan!" she said sternly, and immediately smiled again. "I had a beautiful dream, little Jan ... " I said, "Yes, Venerable Mother, I know: of having your clit wonderfully!" and she looked at me with wide eyes, wanting to ask something else. Then her head sank back and she looked at the ceiling in amazement.

Veronika cried even louder, reached for her hand, felt for a pulse, to Mother Superior's cheek and neck, then put her fingers on her open eyes and closed her eyelids. "The Venerable Mother has passed away!" she said softly, for the other two sisters and Sister Theresa had now entered. They knelt down and then prayed aloud together.

When I took the bus home that evening, I was very sad and smiling at the same time, because she had had the pleasure with Lena one last time. Kalle and Irene had already heard and loved and comforted me very much, I felt they were the dearest parents I had ever had, except Mother perhaps. Irene was very, very tender and soft towards me these days and transferred this love and softness to both of us while fucking, which seemed more beautiful than ever to me in this way. The Venerable Mother was already a strict beast, Irene said, but she did a lot for me and for the monastery, which now no longer followed the stupid rules of the popes in Rome.

Because of the increased turmoil of war, I now did not have as much work and did not earn as much, but Kalle laughed that it was okay and I should go quietly back to the Veronika, he would just sell a few more TVs, hell!

Sister Veronika now had even less time for us, she had now become the Venerable Mother and had to run a convent with two sisters, a novice and a lover. Up to a hundred refugees slept in the basement and outbuildings every night and moved on to the north the next day. There was so much work that she and Theresa now had other things on their minds than Jan, the lover. Veronika now had much more to do because she had now become the Reverend Mother. Sister Theresa took care of the many refugees, perhaps also because she spoke Polish. Now Veronika assigned Sister Karin or Sister Agnes to give me a hand.

Sister Karin always shirked, because she was also almost as old as the Mother Superior and also very lazy. So Sister Agnes had no choice but to go to the toilet with me when it was necessary and neither Veronika nor Theresa had time. She was not yet that old, but she had a terrible fear of a man's cock and thus made everything very complicated. Up to the toilet there were no problems, but the closer we got, the more cowardly she became. Then I stood expectantly in front of the toilet and waited. Finally, Sister Agnes unbuttoned my pants, looked away and, groping insecurely and muttering to herself, took my cock out. If I hadn't then stood so that it was aimed in the right direction, who knows if we wouldn't have peed against the wall.

She waited with her face averted until it stopped splashing, then groped around without looking until the cock was taken care of again. Apparently she just couldn't look at a cock. This groping around excited me properly, but we were already packed up again and could leave. The next time, however, I got her, because little Jan is not stupid! Then, when the splashing stopped and she began to grope around again, I told her to hold still, I wasn't done yet. "And keep the cock nice and still, otherwise it won't work! it won't work!" I commanded, and she nodded, rather confused. Seconds later I mewed that she should take it properly in her hand and hold it straight. Startled, she ducked and grasped the cock properly. Now I pushed it quickly back and forth, and she asked if I was done yet? I grumbled, "No, hold still!" and she obeyed. She could guess what was going on, but couldn't see it because she looked away tensely. Then I wiggled very quickly in her hand back and forth and squirted with a pleasant grunt into the toilet.


"Ready, wipe!" I said, and Sister Agnes now had to clean the cock with paper, so she had of course also to look a little and became red as a tomato. She then tried the next few times to quickly pack the cock, but I made her to hold still. She was frightened and a terrible coward; I only had to command her sharply and she obeyed my command, and she obeyed and held still. It took a few days for her to hold still of her own accord when I wiggled in her hand, but she turned terribly red when I squirted, drew in the air sharply, and rolled her eyes skyward. I teased her mischievously by going to the bathroom more often than usual and rubbing my cock in her hand, even when I didn't want to squirt at all, a good dozen times. I simply enjoyed my power to make her heart‐pounding blush, gloating over her feigned horror when she held a hand pressed to her wildly thumping heart, rolling her eyes and gasping short of breath when I really got going.

The next time, I whispered that she needed to rub the cock. Agnes shook her head decisively and had to fight with herself for a long time until she finally pulled tentatively on my cock. She had to look closely and her face turned hellish red as I gave her precise instructions. She anxiously held the cock between her thumb and forefinger and pulled back the skin, her pupils dilating as the glans came out. Quickly she pushed the foreskin forward again. She began to sweat pathetically, but dutifully tried to pull the skin back faster and faster. The more the glans swelled and stayed out, the more timid she became. I ordered her to rub harder, but she couldn't manage more than a slight tug. Unnoticed, Sister Karin had come up behind us and grumbled at Sister Agnes that the poor guy couldn't do it himself, so she should try harder! Agnes was scared to death and now stood there completely frozen. Old Karin resolutely stretched out her skinny hand past Agnes and did it, quickly and finely. Breathing heavily, Agnes stared at the cock in Karin's hand and winced as a few drops splashed heavily into the toilet. Then it was over, because Sister Theresa had more time for me from now on.

I often sat in the room of the old Mother Superior, who now lay buried in the flowerbed and had gone to the angels. Lena told me to search the bookshelf, and after some rummaging we found what she was looking for: the annual calendar of the daily newspaper. In it, the events of the past years were collected at the end of the year. Lena wanted to explain to me how it had come about with the war.

As I sat there with the book on the table in front of me, I asked Lena if learning could wait. She smiled and said it was okay, she already knew what it was about. But so that I wouldn't struggle myself, she wanted to do it by hand. I countered that she couldn't, she was kind of there and not there, wasn't she? "Wait, wait, Jan!" she breathed and sat down next to me, unbuttoned my pants and took out the cock, which soon splashed rejoicingly. "But how does that work?" I asked breathlessly afterwards, "you're only in my head after all!" "No," said Lena, "I am in your head and at the same time with you, really with you, if you only want it."

I didn't understand. But I had splashed wonderfully fine and now I wanted to learn. Lena began to explain everything to me. Moreover, she promised that I would understand and retain everything, that I would become a clever and smart little wretch if only I wanted to. Yes, and how I wanted it! Now Lena's lessons began, and everything I didn't understand she immediately explained: what America was, what a president and a governor were, for example.

The terrible thing began in 1963, more precisely on November 22. There a criminal plot against the American president had led to that devastating attack, in which the president's wife, the beautiful and delicate Jacqueline Kennedy‐Bouvier, was literally torn apart by the bullets of the assassins, as were the governor of Texas and a bodyguard literally torn to shreds. The president suffered a bullet through the head that cost him an eye. The injured brain soon healed completely, John F., as he was now called, wore a black eye patch from then on. But the terrible thing was that from the intelligent statesman, jovial bon vivant and loving father an evil, vengeful beast had become.

At the annual commemorative ceremonies on November 22, every speech flashed through the sheer hatred of everything and everyone who opposed him. The assassins were mercilessly investigated, a general and several officers had to commit suicide and the shooters were executed immediately. Since some of the death squads came from Corsica in France, America occupied Corsica and never released it. Some came from the city of Marseilles; John F. had the mob there mercilessly massacred, hundreds died, only a handful of smaller hangers‐on escaped. He became the victorious commander who soon occupied all the states of North‐ and South America and made them America. Whoever is not for me is against me, John F. quoted from the Bible, and because many were against him, he flattened them all.

John F. raged on, and when the Soviet Union became critical of his actions in 1967, he merely nodded grimly and ordered planes and warships deployed. By the end of 1968, there was no longer a Soviet Union. America now stretched from New York to Alaska to Poland, to Mongolia and China, from Seattle to Mexico to Cape Horn. John F. built his empire, dealing terribly with all who disobeyed his laws. First it was the real criminals who were murderously persecuted and killed, but then it was also all those who did not dance to his tune. As sorry as I felt for John F. because of his shot wife Jacqueline, I understood that he was about to go too far and not be able to stop.

Then he had bad luck, damn bad luck even. In mid‐1969, one of his favorite projects, the landing on the moon, had succeeded. The astronauts were poking flags into the lunar dust, reading from the Bible and jumping around in fun. As they were about to take off for home, a rocket flew from somewhere into their lunar landing craft and burst it into a thousand pieces. What had happened? One puzzled around for months, did not understand yet that this had been a rocket, then the technicians driven forward furiously by John F. were ready again and started the 2nd moon landing enterprise. Shortly before they touched the lunar soil, it made another neat bang, and the poor astronauts were pulverized. While they were still searching for the remains with the best telescopes and cautious scientific explanations for this new bad luck were voiced, discovered a non‐commissioned officer squatting in his bunker in Alabama, staring at the moon with a telescope, discovered little fiery dots of light — dozens, hundreds, and thousands that had been fired from the far side of the moon (the Dark Side of the Moon) toward Earth.

Now everything was clear, meteors were, of course, a professor in Pumpingdale in the state of Wisconsin had always said so. So, the meteorites flew then already very symmetrically and orderly, but one breathed on, because with meteorites one knows oneself nevertheless already for centuries. They fly around and usually burn up in the earth's atmosphere, but not these. They flew on in orderly formation and landed in southern Africa, in Australia and in the Pacific area; soon turned out as small spaceships.

Large, mechanical soldiers spilled out of them, building small, ugly, impregnable bunkers. Some mockingbirds in the newspapers mocked the big, clumsy fellows of space steel, who were probably not of biological origin and sometimes looked rather clumsy. Ugly, inelegant launch pads sprang up around the Southern Hemisphere in a matter of days. To the astonished world could be shown blurry black‐and‐white photographs taken from distant ships and reconnaissance planes, which showed showed ugly, short launching pads that could not compete in the least with the sleek and elegant structures of the Americans. Until they started firing.

Without us having the slightest idea who the enemy was, we had World War III. John F. raged for only a few hours, then the first bombs hit the Northern Hemisphere. The Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) destroyed all the computers in the world in a millionth of a second. Major cities such as Washington, Calcutta and Shanghai were reduced to dust and ash in minutes. Los Angeles, Miami and London no longer existed. The second carpet of bombs vaporized Rio and Lima, Tokyo and New Delhi. A broad belt of bombed‐out cities of millions and far more than than two billion dead adorned the new shape of the earth. Then the mechanical soldiers of the Darx, as they were soon called, blew up the launching pads that had become inoperable and headed north.

This has been going on for four years, Lena said. The Darx soldiers are moving north, spraying everything with poison and covering the cities with bombs, killing almost the entire population. The bombs are only partly nuclear, many destroyed conventionally. Some were also poison bombs, some even spray a poison that triggers the "ice sickness": the person begins to freeze from the inside after 24 hours to death; only a few do not take the poison, almost all die. But those who survived are captured and hidden in large underground prisoner camps. What exactly happens to them, it is not known.

Lena paused thoughtfully. The Darx had changed their strategy from one day to the next. They picked out from the population the weak and easily influenced, bewitched them with a special poison, and turned them into will‐less zombies we called Dreamers, because they were like dreamwalkers; they all head north, hypnotized, and murder, rob and plunder whatever they come across; they wreak havoc. In the meantime, she said, the mechanical soldiers were sending the Dreamers ahead and were themselves merely managing the prison camps. The strange new poisons and diseases worked for them as well as the hosts of the Dreamers.

Earth's armies could have done next to nothing against them; soon the warships, air forces and armored divisions were pulverized. The constant nuclear explosions kept triggering an EMP, so that everything that had worked electronically was just useless junk. Already in the first month of the war, any organized resistance of the armed forces had flagged, were military structures were in the process of disintegrating. All that remained was for the people to organize themselves like guerrillas and oppose the superior force. But the Darx did not seem to have planned in their basic concept to crush a counterforce that had been fragmented into the smallest units. Rather, with the surrender of the "world ruler", but there was not such a ruler, but hundreds of smaller and larger earthly rulers. The disorder of the guerrillas completely upset the concept of the Darx. The war lasted not the one planned month, but already 4 years.

It had become evening, Lena gave me time to digest all this. Veronika stepped into the dark room, made light and asked if everything was okay with me. I was teary‐eyed and said that I now knew everything about the war, that Lena had explained it to me. Sister Veronika looked around conscientiously, then sat down next to me and said there was no Lena and what I knew about the war. I told her about the Darx and John F., about the destroyed Cities and the Dreamers who, as if hypnotized, were killing everyone in the North.

Veronika listened to me silently. Then she took my head to her chest and hugged me fiercely. "I don't know what's wrong with you, little Jan, but you seem to be able to understand everything. It's all true what you know about the war. And I don't understand this miracle, even this morning I wouldn't have believed you could read a whole sentence, and you apparently read through the history of the last 10 years in three hours!" Veronika held and hugged me and cried. I tried to comfort her, but she said she was crying with joy. Now learning with me had a new meaning.

I said that it was the Lena who had helped me so much. She looked at me in wonder, then shaking her head said, "There is no Lena. It is Lord Christ who performed a miracle on you!" and I defied that it was Lena after all, she had read to me and explained everything and the miracle was perhaps that I could understand it, I, the stupid cripple without arms!

Veronika hugged me again reassuringly and said that I didn't have arms because my poor father had been radioactively contaminated during the war, in an atomic bomb explosion in Siberia. And that's why I didn't grow any arms and only eight fingers, that's why I'm like this — she faltered and paused. "What, what 'so'?" I asked.

Veronika pondered, searching for words. "That's why you haven't gotten any smarter for over twenty years, been a little kid in your head. And probably your strong drive, your big strong cock comes from the atomic bomb," she said sadly, "because that's also something that sets you apart from the others." I listened, but Lena was silent at first; then she looked straight at me and said, "Yes, she's right." I didn't immediately know why, but I began to cry.

Lena added tonelessly, "And because of the atomic bombs, there are these many mutated people who survive the poisons of the Darx, that will also be your fate. That's why I'm with you now." Veronika asked, "What is it, Jan, are you hearing voices again?" and I nodded, then Veronika continued, "This is perhaps also something that is because of the atomic bomb," but Lena immediately shook her head and so did I, but Veronika could not understand either of us then.

I asked her to turn off the light because it was blinding me and I didn't want to be seen crying. We then sat in the dark room for maybe another hour, whispering and crying, but Veronika should not see that I cried. When we later went into the cell Veronika, for once, skipped praying and we lay in bed entwined, lost about the war and my short little arms crying.

"Maybe you don't believe me about Lena," I said, and Veronika nodded in the dark. "Before the Mother Superior died, she dreamed once again of bathing together and the pleasure of it, lolling comfortably in her dream. Then I asked Lena to give her the pleasure one last time, and Lena did it with her. Lena went and rubbed the clit of the old woman, I have seen it with my own eyes, she had a wonderful finish like you when Theresa rubbed your clit. She experienced this beautiful pleasure once again before she died," I said. Veronika remained rigid and stiff, kept silent doggedly. "I am telling the truth, Veronika, please have Trust!" I begged, hugging her as best I could with my Atombombs‐little arms.

I told her everything I had spoken to the Mother Superior at that time, when I absolutely had to squirt next to her sickbed, do you remember, Veronika? Then she told me herself that she knew the pleasure of the clitrubbing sicen her youth, she also knew about both of us. I waited and thought about what else I could say. "She never said that it was bad, the pleasure, only that she was already too old for it." I suddenly saw Lena shaking her head. "No, don't ask me to do it!" she said, without Veronika being able to hear us. I thought once more that Lena could prove her existence, if she could also ... ..

"No," Lena decisively interrupted my thought, "I don't do it!" and shook her head again. Then she disappeared.

Veronika asked again how it was with the Mother Superior, and I told her. This time she listened again quite attentively and began to tremble and shake in the middle of it, because I had paid good attention, when Mother Superior was dreaming of screwing and lolling when Lena went to her and did it with her clit. I had paid close attention when the old, emaciated thighs parted and the wizened clit was gently massaged and caressed by an invisible hand. I described that I could see the old cunt and the old clit during the whole caressing and described everything in exakt Observations. I asked Veronika if she wanted it now, because she was already trembling so much, and she nodded with closed eyes. I caressed and cuddled her for a long time before she stretched her ass out to me and we made love. I fucked delicately and gently in her butt, because she was so quivered and trembled that I was scared and afraid. I rubbed her clit like Theresa and she came in a loud, long scream. She immediately fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

In the weeks that followed, I was with Irene and Kalle less and less often; they had a lot to do with all the boxes and business and could not quite appreciate my awakening thinking. Kalle was amazed badly when I gave him a hint here and there about an existing or upcoming technical defect. Lena answered to Kalle's and my questions that this was one of the finger exercises for eight‐year‐olds where she had learned it and that it was actually nothing special. But she wanted to talk about herself another time. Kalle mostly shook his head and said that it sometimes scared him what my voice was talking about.

Initially it confused me that Lena now no longer disappeared during sex, but stayed; she said because I wanted it that way. Also, she sometimes helped out as a good spirit when someone was having trouble and didn't want to go right away. She understood a lot about sex and about the clits of women, but also about my cock when I was just alone on me. Then Lena made me excited and hard and made me squirt like no one else. Only Veronika she did not touch and left us alone, because she thought that would be our thing, there she would not have to be around.

Totally different with Sister Theresa. She actually belonged to those hard going Women who did not and did not come to the final pleasure when fucking. I loved to fuck Theresa, but for her it was not enough, I might try so hard. Theresa only got off well herself with her little clit, after fucking she always rubbed for a long time until it came to her. She whooped when Lena helped invisibly for the first time during our fucking and teased her little clit, my Gentlemen! She was so happy that it had worked that she pressed me against her for minutes. From then on, Lena and I winked before it came to fucking, and Lena turned out to be Theresa's secret master.

Veronika stepped into the room once unintentionally and saw us, saw sad and excited Theresa whooping. When Sister Theresa scurried out with her head high, she immediately lay down with me and wanted us to do it, no, she turned on her stomach, just in the butt please, my promise, you know! I just poked around a bit because I had just squirted, then I stroked her clit very gently and tenderly until she finished. She cried for a long time and sniffled, how nice it must be for Sister Theresa! I kept my mouth shut and did not mention Lena's role.

Once I asked Lena how real she actually was. I could feel her and touch her and yet she was not real, I felt that. She said that she was so real that I would squirt if she did it to me, wouldn't I? Yes, I replied, but I was thinking if I could fuck her too. She thought a little, then she said, no, not yet. I had already become a little wiser and thought to myself, that is, later once. Lena blushed a little, looked down and then nodded. So it was, sometimes I spoke or thought it only, but Lena always understood.

My view of things was slowly changing. The women who came to Jan the lover and stealthily pressed the money into Irene's hand, now seemed to me to be rather poor hussies who had no husband or only a very lazy husband, and who secretly and furtively let themselves be fucked by a cripple, in order to at least have a little bit of the illusion of lust and passion. I suddenly noticed things like shame or embarrassment that I had never noticed before. I noticed that many a gold chain was just cheap trinket and many a finely dressed lady in her nakedness was a poor, unhappy creature. I obediently did my job, but I began to think about these women and their small, fleeting pleasures; none quivered and loved as Veronica did.

Kalle and Irene were the dearest parents I had. Through all the reading and studying I realized all at once that Kalle was a little pimp and contraband pusher, albeit a very dear one. The World War had torn him out of his development before his graduation, had robbed him of all illusions and made him a tough guy who nevertheless had a good core — though strictly reserved for the family. Irene was an aging love servant, who stood more and more behind the bar or pimped younger girls. She herself only sought pleasure with Kalle, Anni and me.

I loved them both because they had stood by me when I was still the very stupid guy and still understood nothing of this world. I loved them because they never fooled me and took me as I was; first as the retarded kid and now as the awakening boy. They did not know that I could now read and think. I understood how much they clung to the little lies of their existence when they separated work and private life. I now actively gave more power to our shallow screwing, seduced Irene and Anni into cheerful screwing and loved them because they had been my salvation and family. At least so I could thank them, and their amazement at the new spring feelings was real.

Irene had split the dancehall in two, into a small dancehall and a mighty cool pub. The pub had been her dream and now she had achieved it; Kalle kept the dance shed going and did his small and big business on the side. Sometimes a box of hand grenades could get between the TVs and washing machines, but he never knew anything about it, the wise guy. After all, he gave me more and more smaller tasks when someone had to pick something up. He nodded with satisfaction when I showed him in the evening which boxes or crates had been picked up, how much was still in stock and that the cash register was correct. Kalle sometimes grumbled that he could rely on me, hell!

The population was very unsettled, in addition, abstruse rumors circulated, which made everything only worse: the invasion began in Africa and the first Dreamers were Africans, so now it's the turn of the blacks! We soon had to hide Anni with us, because she was African, even though she was born in our country and had never been to Africa. But she, like many others, was suspected in the streetcar, jostled and once almost beaten up. Kalle said nothing when she told it, but he silently made a small hidden nest in the small room, between the boxes full of stolen goods and cleared out my toys and study things. Then he looked at me and I knew what he wanted to hear. "Sure, I don't really need the space. I'm happy to have Anni safely housed with us!" Kalle nodded affirmatively, hoisted his paw on my shoulder, and pinched his mouth together because he had to twitch the corner of his mouth, moved. He knew no fear and hit even the roughest motherfucker one on the mouth that the rinds cracked, but when it came to his family, he was soft and lovingly concerned.

Lena now sat with me for hours and explained everything I read. I grinned when I read about the crocodiles and the eggs: I had screwed that up pretty stupidly back then! Lena urged me to learn history above all, to understand how people had lived in the past centuries. I should read as much newspapers as possible, because it was important to know how things stood on a daily basis. My math skills were still pretty weak, but it was enough for everyday life. She liked my humor and also when I sometimes imitated little Jan. I was 24 now, so "three times all fingers!" Lena laughed and hugged me warmly.

My questions about her where from and where to she answered just as little as the burning question of what was to become with me later or what she actually had in mind for me. "We'll talk about that some other time!" was her standard phrase. I remained curious, but I had to learn to be patient.

Kalle sometimes shook his head in feigned exasperation when I gave him another book order. "School books he wants! Yes, where should I get them from, maybe rob the schoolyard?", but then he brought in with a grin everything that the schools offered. From the Stone Age to the Romans, plant and animal science, chemistry for middle schools. The Little Chemistry Studio, Automotive Mechanics, and The Little Diesel Engine Book.

Mechanics, machines and Leonardo da Vinci's sketchbook. Plants, animals and chemistry, physics and astronomy. History of space travel. The history of the Etruscans, the Franks, Charlemagne. Lena put aside everything related to art, music, and literature, including language textbooks. "I'll teach you one language, that'll be enough for everyone!" she muttered when I asked her why. I was left alone with my curiosity, as she told me to read the textbooks diligently and thoroughly.

Sometimes she would tell me to take a break and rest in her lap. When I put my head in her lap, I always fell asleep immediately and dreamed that Lena was going over everything with me again. Often she would put her hand on my head and close my eyes; then I had the feeling that a warm and powerful current was flowing over me. After these dreams, I woke up and always felt wiser than before I fell asleep. She nodded and said, yes, these were learning dreams. And what I perceived as laying on of hands was one of her healing methods for my poor brain.

When I was still little silly Jan, I didn't have much besides flipping through picture books and playing with the old bear. Curiosity and excitement were mainly around sexuality, as I was apparently very libidinously inclined. This had remained, I always remained little Jan in this regard. Lena laughed broadly and asked with a grin if I was uncomfortable. I denied, of course.

So it also happened that on one of these long afternoons I pushed away my book and lay down on the big bed. The urge crept up my loins like a hot lava flow. Lena came closer and asked if everything was all right; but I knew that I didn't have to answer because she knew everything that was going on in my head anyway. I thought I would like to see her naked. Lena nodded, stripped off her long white dress and lay down next to me.

She still looked like the little 16‐year‐old girl, even though we had known each other for so long. "I'm not getting any older," she added, "I look the way you want to see me." I had to think about that for a long time. Slowly it dawned on me that she resembled a girl I had clung to as a child when life hurt me. The girl I had the first and most beautiful childhood memories of. Yes, that beautiful, long black hair, that gentle, shy face with the light gray eyes, that soft, warm body with the gently curving little hills and curves, the little black curl between her legs.... .. ..


Lena gently stroked my crying face with her hand and whispered, "Yes, my little Jan, maybe this girl is like your mother to you. If you want it." I hugged her and felt a force connecting us warmly and strongly. "Nevertheless: I am Lena. That's the truth!" For a long time I lay there with my eyes closed, caressing her with my crooked, powerless fingers. In a strange way, a circle had come full circle, I was connected to her and myself again, even if this may sound strange. I groped for her, felt the familiarity of this body and cried. Lena let me take my time and lay very still, stroking my face and later my cock, letting me fall asleep gently after the squirting.

I had a strange dream.

As always, things went haywire in this dream — ever since I had learned the new Thinking had begun to learn, the dreams were no longer as clear and simple as when I was just little Jan. I saw my mother cuddling and caring for me as we lay in the bath or in bed; I ate apple after apple with the old bear and watched mother leave. Irene read to me and explained all the animals, how they lived and hunted or cared for their young. Irene and Kalle got into the old Fleetwood and drove to the sea, Irene waving a colorful handkerchief for a long time until the car disappeared at the end of the road. Then I sat in the garden of the monastery and guarded the flower beds so that no one would cut the beautiful roses, but a fierce wind came up and blew everything away until only dust was left.

In a square, a monk in a long black robe stood and gave a speech. People gathered around him and then ran wildly because bombs were falling. The monk stayed behind alone, drawing water with a bucket from a deep well and put out the fire. Military cars circled him in tighter and tighter circles, he stretched out his arms and hurled fiery lightning at them. He leapt from balcony to balcony, from rooftop to rooftop, until he disappeared into the sky. The earth opened up and all the jeeps along with the soldiers plunged into the depths. The monk floated back down from the clouds and landed on a mountain, went through deep shafts and mines and then exploded, the whole mountain collapsed. The monk burrowed through the rubble and came to a castle where he went into every room looking for someone. Then the castle also exploded and the monk disappeared.

I awoke and wanted to ask Lena what it meant; but she shook her head and said that we would talk about it later. The dream scared me a lot, and Lena stroked me soothingly until I fell asleep again.

The bus only drove more meaningfully towards the city, through the many closed roads and ruined houses it had to take unplanned detours and finally got stuck. The bus driver knew me already for years and meant, if the little Jan goes there up to the corner and then along the long street, then he would come to the Zoo through the large garden, where the Zoo was and there was already the Kudamm, on the left the second in was the Rankestraße, there would be Kalle at home. Take care, my boy, he said and got back on. I nodded to him with a dry lump in my throat and started walking. Twice I had to turn back, because the large park had many exits, but then I found the Kudamm, Rankestraße and then our pub. Kalle and Irene were very happy that I had made it home well despite this adventure.

Lena whispered that they should pack quickly and disappear, because tomorrow at noon, Berlin would be bombed. I just helped Kalle, who carried the boxes into the basement and checked off box after box on his list and said, "Kalle, the voice says you should pack and get out, tomorrow at noon there would be a crash and Berlin would be bombed!" Kalle grumbled that he had already thought that, but tomorrow? No, he laughed, in ten days or two weeks at the earliest. No, cried Lena, tomorrow! I said, "Kalle, Lena is shouting that it's already noon tomorrow, but really!" Kalle looked at me again very skeptically and shook his head. "Boy, you know better once again!" and then we let it go. Still, he whispered to Irene for a long time that evening, while Anni and I rolled around on the bed, tickled and did all kinds of mischief, until we became horny and started fucking.

Irene stroked Anni's back, lost in thought, and asked if I really meant it and had been serious about tomorrow at noon. I nodded and said that the voice had never been wrong before. "Please pack quickly and leave while there is still time!" Irene looked sad and said they couldn't, they couldn't pack that fast. Kalle said that there was certainly still a week to go, that I shouldn't panic. I remained silent and stroked with my fingers over the scratchy hair bristles on Irene's pubic area, because if she didn't shave for a few days, then it scratched properly. Irene then held Anni and me left and right and cried a little. I heard what she was thinking and how her thoughts were excited and desperate like caged birds in a cage.

"Yes, this is our last night, Irene," I murmured and she looked at me, startled. Lena breathed, "Take it easy, my boy, it's all right!" Irene sobbed and shouted that Kalle should come at last, and he came over from the table grumbling sullenly and lay down next to her. Irene held on to him, sobbing, and cried wetly down his shirt collar, Anni shivered and was on the verge of crying too, howling and pressed herself against me, seeking warmth and comfort. Kalle comforted, kissed and hugged Irene until she cooed like Puss Purr and then they fucked quite lovingly.

Later, when Kalle was already snoring and Anni had put out the light, I stroked Irene very sweetly and gently until she pulled me on top of her. This time we slept very long and sweetly together, I whispered in her ear what a good second mother she had always been and had saved my life. Anni snuggled up to Irene and rubbed her clit devotedly until we all came to the end. Lust and sadness mixed with tears, sweat and semen.

I was the only one who didn't sleep that night and wandered restlessly up and down. Lena sat at the table and watched me; I kept looking out the window into the night and at the slowly creeping dawn. Then Lena said it was time, because there weren't many buses going to the monastery anymore. Quietly I gathered my clothes, contorted myself like an acrobat, and got dressed. Lena guided my hand as I clumsily wrote on a piece of paper, "Farewell! I will stay in the monastery, your loving son Jan." Standing once more by the big bed, I looked at the beautiful bodies of my family and stroked Irene's cheek once more. Then I quietly went out and hurried to the bus.

Sister Veronika was completely surprised when I reappeared. "I didn't expect you so soon," she said, "what happened?" I thought and then told her about yesterday. She shook her head again in disbelief when I told her about Lena's warning and nodded when she heard about Kalle's reaction. I mentioned that about our last night only briefly, but she reacted very harshly, as she does every time, and asked if it had been necessary. Affected, I said that I wanted to give Irene a real pleasure with the beautiful fuck. I concealed the screwing with Anni, because Veronika was already so angry. Veronika said, Irene had probably still a dozen others and did not have to fuck with little Jan, but now I bucked and kept silent, because she did not want to understand that I should never see Irene again.

I walked away from her without a word, into the garden, way in the back to the flowerbeds I always tended with Sister Theresa, and asked Lena to leave me alone for a bit. Then I cried and spread my tears on the leaves of the rose and the little flower that Veronika had once planted for little Jan. I was no longer interested in the busy hum of the monastery; I thought of Irene and Kalle, of Anni and the old bear I had forgotten with them. I sent a quick, fervent thought to Irene not to forget the good friend as they ran away. Then came the first flash.

I looked up. Now there were several flashes over the city, then I heard the distant rumble and roaring. So these were the bombs I had read so much about. Lena rushed toward me between the flowerbeds and shouted from afar that I should get Veronika and the others from the monastery! A long moment of fright passed, then I dashed off and ran through the middle of the flowerbeds towards the monastery. Had Kalle and Irene left in time? Had they not forgotten that they had to be far, far away by noon? Blinded by tears, I stumbled up the steps and banged on Veronika's door with one shoe, pushing it open roughly. Veronika was sitting behind the desk and looked up in amazement. "What's up, why are you running like that?" she asked, getting up.

"Berlin is burning! The bombs!" I shouted confusedly, grabbing her frock with my little fingers. "Come quickly into the garden, you can see it there!" Veronika ran after me, trying to tame her headscarf, which kept trying to flutter away as she ran. I stopped by our flowerbed and pointed my head to the south, but it was not necessary. The city was ablaze, you could see that right away. Lena warned that we should all head north in case the monastery was bombed. I told Veronika, but she gruffly waved me off and ran back to the monastery. All the refugees, the children and the sisters had to go to the cellar, but I said we should go north immediately, not to the cellar. Veronika became quite loud and told me to go out. Then she followed with some men who were leading the refugee convoys and Sister Karin. I stood by the flower bed and looked at the clouds of smoke to the south.

I think there were eight of us standing there staring at the columns of smoke. The Men were whispering to each other, I was standing next to Veronika, holding onto her cowl. I looked at her very sweetly until she became gentle and soft again, forgetting that I had contradicted her in front of everyone. "Will never see Irene and Kalle again!" I sobbed out, and Veronika suddenly understood everything, took my head to her chest and gently stroked through my tangled hair. There was only a short, shrill whistle as the bomb fell and tore the monastery into a thousand shreds. The shock wave knocked us down and then dirt, stones and dust pelted down on us.

For a few seconds we lay motionless. Then I remembered Theresa. I jumped up and ran to where the monastery had stood before. This ruin couldn't be the monastery after all! I looked around and saw that it was. I cried out because all the children and refugees, Sister Agnes and Theresa were gone, torn apart and buried under the rubble! Veronika came running breathlessly and held my head to her chest in mute horror. I whimpered that Theresa was now dead too like everyone else and felt the dry sobs in Veronika's chest.

The men came and looked in the basement, but they found only bodies and all were dead. We desperately searched for Sister Theresa but did not find her. Some of the men were crying and screaming for their wives or children, the others were the tugs. They tried to grin despite their fear of death and joked that they would probably not earn anything from this trek. We trudged around in the rubble for a long time, then Sister Veronika said we had to move on, perhaps north. The men gathered whatever food they could find or dug up in the garden, as well as water and a few bottles of schnapps, then we set off.

We marched for a long time through the mixed woods and fields until evening came and the men were looking for a place to spend the night. Next to a dilapidated shed they made a campfire and we sat around it, silent and hungry, for the food had been used up. The men drank liquor from bottles, talked loudly and crudely and got into a murderous mood. Lena plucked me by the shirt and whispered, "You have to leave! Now!" I whispered it to Veronika, but she didn't understand me. Lena made me jump up immediately and run away into the bushes. Sister Veronika immediately woke up from her lethargy, came after me and looked for me. Lena slowed down my run a little so that Veronika could find me. Then, exhausted, we sat down in a hiding place and waited. We froze and sat close together until it got completely dark. Lena whispered that she had to go back to check on Kalle and Irene. Sister Veronika scolded me grimly for running away and wanted to return immediately, but Lena touched her forehead with a finger and Veronika remained sitting, paralyzed, seeing and hearing nothing. I was amazed that Lena could do that.

I startled awake from half‐sleep when I heard the shouting. I crept forward crouched to one in the bushes and looked over to the campfire.

The drunken men had grabbed the old Sister Karin, torn off her frock and now two or three held her down while one by one they fucked her, quickly and hastily. Sister Karin screamed and screamed, but the man kept fucking quickly. Then the next, and so one after the other, because no one lasted longer. Sister Karin screamed mainly in disgust, not in pain, because the guys squirted as soon as they started to fuck. Then they caught their breath, panting, and left Sister Karin alone.

Sister Karin had stopped screaming during the pause and looked up at the older man, who was now slowly approaching and kneeling between her legs, hugging her and stroking her kindly. He spoke softly to her, nodding as he did so, probably to wipe away the unreality of this insane situation. He gently laid her on her back, stroked her breast a little and opened his pants, giving Karin and himself time. She looked with wide, puffy eyes at the the cock, which he slowly and deliberately pushed into her little hole. She clenched her teeth and didn't make a sound, because he was a gentle and good‐natured man, had stamina and feeling. Old Karin softened at his first slow thrusts and held onto him with her eyes bulging out as he thrust very gently; sometimes thrusting her old womb at him full of longing. He continued to fuck slowly and deliberately, stopping sometime later, letting it run in quietly and pulling his cock out gently. Karin sank back disappointed and I think she smiled a little anyway. Then he detached himself from her and stood up.

The others, who had been standing around curiously rubbing their cocks to get them stiff again, now pounced on her almost simultaneously, scuffling doggedly until one won. Immediately Karin cried out again, then she really did not want to be fucked and if, then certainly not by so many men. The one who had fucked her so gently quietly grabbed his bundle and went out into the night without a greeting.

The guys had almost nothing left to drink, but performed very roughly and goaded each other as to who could again and again. Sister Karin had stopped shouting and endured being fucked while crying softly, the guys no longer had to hold her. Indiscriminately they pushed and fucked with the old woman and who could, splashed boastfully, pumped and pumped hard, so that all could see it. They stopped only when the fire had burned down completely and even the last could no longer. The men talked dirty for a long time, then one by one they dozed and fell asleep. At some point, my eyes also fell shut, I crawled back, cuddled up to Veronika in our hiding place and warmed myself.

At dawn, Lena woke me up. I woke Veronika and we went to the shed where sister Karin was lying. Lena whispered that we had to be strong now, but need not be afraid, the men were already gone, over the hills. I told Veronika as we came closer, and with a loud cry Veronika threw herself to the ground next to Sister Karin on the floor. Sister Karin was lying in a pool of blood, the guys had cut her throat. Veronika screamed and sobbed, and I couldn't find a shovel anywhere with which to bury poor Karin. So we made a small burial mound and stones over her corpse, then we walked a little further. Veronika sat down and cried. Lena told me to go back and get Karin's frock.

Lena said I was thinking the right thing and touched Veronika's forehead with one finger. "Forget all that!" she whispered inaudibly and Veronika immediately stopped crying. She looked around freshly and cheerfully and said that we had to take the way north now, I should hurry up! Speechless and grateful, I looked at Lena and hurried to run after Veronika. We hiked all day, drank from a small stream and slept at night in a dense bush, which Lena showed me like the stream before.

In the morning I said it would be wiser if I put on the frock, for as a Spiritual sister with lover we would get through nowhere. Veronica thought, then allowed it before we went on. We found later along the way some discarded backpacks with rotten food, but there were some slices of bread not yet spoiled, which we ate greedily, some we took with us. At noon we had a rest again, because Veronika had aching feet from the long hike. Again we found a place next to a stream, where we drank and ate the last bread. Then Veronika fell asleep at my side.

She woke up after two hours sighing and trembling and looking up at me happily. "I had such a wonderful dream!" she said, feeling for my legs. Lena winked at me and disappeared. Veronika felt the cock under the frock and said, there is our hero, something must be done! I was still terribly tired and weary from this adventure, but also from the terrible events. "Yes, I have to pee" I said, and Veronika pushed up the cowl, held the cock and let me pee in a high arc in the grass. Her warm hand continued to hold the cock long after I had finished, looking me smiling and knowing in the eyes and stroked it gently with her hand until a thick, hot stream spurted out. Breathlessly I buried my face on her chest and fell asleep.

We hiked north for three or four more days, at night seeking out dense brush or even a shed with Lena's help, and slept. Lena was silent all the time, except when she told me where we should go next, and disappeared in the evening to leave me alone with Veronika. A few times Veronika's hand stroked me awake again after I had fallen asleep, and that's when I felt the drive above her "crashing together in waves" and she wanted to assfuck. It was a blessing that she had forgotten the terrible thing and again wanted to make love to me sweetly and gently. Afterwards we wanted to sleep.

She looked once from a small hill to the horizon and said that the strip back there was the sea and in front of it was the city of Lübeck. I said, please let's go further north, the city of Lübeck was not in our plan. Veronika was silent, but since the bombs on Berlin and the monastery she said nothing when I relayed what Lena — the voice — told me. We walked along a small stream and found a small abandoned house where we took a day's rest, for in the kitchen we found usable food, water, and to top it all, a sleeping chamber. We forgot about the war and the flight and cuddled in bed all day, stroking each other and I did her assfuck, making her clit quiver and twitch with my little fingers. We were happy and cried about the war and slept it off, stayed in bed for a day and a night and did nothing but love and pleasure.

The next morning it started again, without warning. Lena tore me from my sleep and screamed, they had discovered us, nothing like out! So we ran head over heels, but after a few minutes we heard soft plop!s and the whistling of a bomb hitting in the middle of the forest in front of us. We cautiously groped our way through the fog, Lena desperately was looking for a way out, but we had to either go forward or back. "Back," Lena screamed, "back, you can't go through the fog, it's poison!" "Don't breathe the poisonous fog!" I shouted to Veronika. Immediately I turned and ran, thinking that the fog was colored yellow because that's what draws black outlines on the surveillance screens, but Veronika wasn't as fast as I was and swallowed a lot of the fog. Lena asked, puzzled: "How you know about the yellow fog and the surveillance screens?", but as much as I thought about it, I didn't know. Lena nodded and said that we would have to talk about it later. Panting and coughing, we arrived back at the little house, because I had to run back again to drag Veronika out of the forest.

I was only a little out of breath, but Veronika had red‐veined eyes, coughed and spat and vomited. Then she sat down, quite tired, and asked me to leave her alone for a moment. I went with Lena to the front of the house and peered into the forest to see if they had found us yet. Lena felt for my head and touched it for a long time. Then she said that my brain seemed to be opening up and releasing power, great power. So I would also have read in her mind why the smoke was colored yellow.

I looked at her sadly and said, "She has ice sickness, doesn't she?" Lena looked me in the eyes for a long time, then hugged me comfortingly. "There's nothing we can do, it's over!" I remained sitting on the doorstep for another hour, crying and thinking how I could save Veronika; but little Jan knew purely nothing. Lena came back after a while and sat down next to me. "I was able to distract them a bit, they are not looking for us here anymore" she said and I nodded gratefully. Then Lena told me to go inside; Veronika would need me, very much, because this was her last day and she knew it. She shook her head as I asked her to stay in my mind and disappeared.

Veronika had curled up on the bed and was dozing restlessly. I lay down next to her and looked at her sadly while she slept. Restless, she awoke and groped for me, clutching me and crying softly. "I have the ice sickness," she sobbed, hugging me desperately. "I know, Veronica, I want to do everything to save you, because you are the dearest thing to me!" She continued to sob, and after a while she said that she had already cared patients for enough times and that so far everyone had died after 24 hours. I nodded and now I was crying too.

I brought her water and a second blanket from the living room, covered her warmly and lovingly. Veronika told me to lie with her and warm her. I took off the robe (the robe was practical, I realized) and lay with her, hugging and warming her.

"My life is over, I will die soon" breathed Veronika after a while. I said nothing and kept my eyes closed so she wouldn't see my sadness. "I want to sleep with you, really sleep" Veronika suddenly said and cuddled up to me. I was alarmed. "The promise..." I began, but she looked at me with crystal‐clear, wide‐awake eyes and said immediately: "Until I die, I promised. And that's exactly what I'm doing now, dying. Slowly and insidiously. Jan, I want it, I really want it now!"

I didn't know what to do; I couldn't ask Lena and I couldn't ask Veronika, because she had her firm opinion and I warmed her because she was already shaking and trembling. I guessed that it could not yet come from the ice sickness.

"Come" she said, "come, little Jan, love me as you can love me!" and little tears beaded down her beautiful face. I stroked that beautiful and dear face for a long time, catching the beads of tears with my little fingers and spreading the salty liquid on her cheek. Slowly she stopped crying and looked at me with such a clear and radiant gaze that I felt completely different. Slowly she pulled me to her, sank back with a sigh and gently pulled me onto her belly.

My cock had become stiff (and I suspected that this was Lena's doing), my head lay between her breasts and I stroked a nipple with my little fingers. Veronika sighed deeply and whispered, "Warm me, my little man, let me feel your closeness while I can still feel something!" and slowly and shamefacedly spread her thighs. My heart gave a little leap and I felt a tremendous, hot force pour out of me as my cock slowly and carefully slid into Veronika.

I had certainly stuck my cock in a cunts hole a thousand times before, but this time it was very different, this time it was brand new, this time it was Veronika; I guessed that "holy" must be just that.

Veronika drew in the air sharply, when I tore her hymen carefully and sensitive, then smiled under closed eyelids and listened inside. "This is my first time, my little Jan!" she whispered and shook like a leaf. I concentrated to the max and fucked her, we harmonized wonderfully and soon she was quivering with joy and pleasure as I slowly and sighingly squirted inside her. We looked into each other's eyes for a long time smiling, I just let my cock stick and we waited until it was ready to fire again. I laughed and whispered that Kalle had sometimes called me "Jan with the rapid‐fire rifle." Then I continued with fucking my dearest love. "We want to love each other to the end!" she breathed, and held me crying, laughing and orgasming violently. "Heat and love me until the moment I have to go!"

I loved her, like a drowning man, even though it was she who had to die today. But I had no one left in this world but her, and if she went now, I was all alone on my own. I watched Veronika and felt her growing weaker and weaker, felt the icy cold rising in her and fucked her gently, warming her with my body. We whispered in love as if she was not dying, and again and again my cock grew big and strong anew and we fucked to our hearts' content. Veronika sighed and moaned how nice it was that she could experience this with me after all. "I warm you, my Veronika, because you are the sweetest and dearest in the world!" I whispered and she smiled. "If you love me, I won't feel the cold at all" she breathed and stroked my back where she supported me. "You are my husband now" she said wanly and closed her eyes.

Then I had to call Lena to help me. I screamed in my head for her to come tentatively closer. "My dick is getting lame!" I complained, and Veronika looked at me in amazement. "Not at all, dear man!" she said, reaching between her thighs. Sure enough, it swelled up again. I thought, "Thank you, dear Lena!" and loved Veronika all over again. Miraculously, my cock kept getting hard and we made love until evening and late into the night, Veronika shone in every orgasm and laughed more and more happily with her eyes, although her body became more and more dull and tired.

I felt my seed flowing into her in little tiny jets and at the same time I felt my heart power flowing warmly into her. All at once I knew that we had made love for the last time. I was finished, chafed, and just couldn't get it hard anymore; she lay there dull and tired and almost unresponsive. I held her in my arms and rubbed her clit like crazy, this should give her a little bit of warmth. Veronika had orgasm after orgasm, wept in quiet pleasure and screamed silently, when I could give her clit another orgasm. She became quiet and didn't react to my rubbing anymore. I remained lying on her cooling body crying, screaming inwardly for Lena.

"You have to say goodbye" Lena said sadly, "she has to go soon". For a long time we were silent; Lena knew she should not see my tears and looked out the window. I dragged myself to a chair and crouched down, I cried and howled in my mind that I loved Veronika like nothing else in this world and just wanted her to have the pleasure until the end, as she had wished. Lena looked at me for a long time, then went to Veronika. I closed my eyes and wished she would stay invisible, leave me alone with Veronika's dying.

It was quiet in the room, nothing could be heard except our thoughts. Veronika called out to me, no, she wanted to call, but it remained only a thought, because she already could not speak. I got up quietly and crouched down at the head of the bed. Her cold, white hand lay like a lost flower on the sheet, I took it delicately in my crooked fingers, warmed and caressed it. Veronika moved a little, confusedly imagining that someone was gently playing with her clit and squeezed my hand in surprise. Under half‐closed eyelids she looked at me, looked at me shyly, while she felt it happening to her, as if by itself, with an invisible hand.

I smiled and nodded encouragingly to her. "Just let it happen!" I whispered, stroking her ice‐cold hand full of sorrow. "Veronika, I give you all my love, pleasure until the end!" I could clearly feel it when her little clit quivered under Lena's caresses, then she lay quietly again and relaxed. Again and again I pleaded with Lena, silently holding Veronika's hand as her little clit whooped in small, gentle orgasms. "Love and pleasure to the end, my love!" I whispered, dabbing the tears from the corners of her eyes with my little fingers and kissing her, looking long and lovingly into her slowly breaking eyes. I laid my head against her chest as she trembled and shook one last time in an orgasm and then gently fell asleep forever.

Lena gave me time until the sun was already quite high. I awoke blinking and saw Veronika lying there quietly asleep. Then everything came back to me, I cried loudly sobbing and stroking her cold body. I took her robe from the chair and carefully covered her with it. I took the silver chain with the Christ Cross, the sign that she was the Venerable Mother, and when I slipped into Karin's habit, I hung that silver cross around my neck. If someone should ask me, for devils sake, then I would just be the lover of the Venerable Mother, basta.

At the door I turned once more and looked at Veronika. She would lie here, until the people found her and reverently buried her. "No," Lena said, "set the house on fire!" I looked at her uncomprehendingly. But my indignant protest immediately faltered when I saw the image in her mind: barbarians entering the house and desecrating the beautiful corpse, raping my Veronika with dirty cursing as Karin had been done a few days ago. Blind with rage and anger, I looked for a lighter or matches, but I found nothing.

Lena looked at me firmly and said, "Set the house on fire, you have the power if you just want it!" I stood motionless, feeling only emptiness in my mind. Lena gingerly lifted one armless sleeve of my frock up. I closed my eyes and felt new arms growing. Terrible anger and rage at the abusers twitched through my brain, drove through my shoulders into the new arms and hit like a bullet. With a dull bang the bed ignited, the curtains and the whole house burned all at once. I shielded my face from the flames and ran out into the open, terrified.

The sleeves of the frock dangled empty. I had no new arms, that much was certain. Lena postponed it again until later, urging me to leave quickly, for the pursuers were closing in. I ran through the forest and came to a small hill. I caught my breath briefly and turned around. Down there, the fire with the thick column of smoke, that was Veronika's grave. I cried a little and waved once more in her direction, then rushed on, blinded by tears. Lena rushed me on, and she knew her way around.

I needed two days to get out of the forest, and four days to get to the great river and the sea. Exhausted, I sank to the ground on the shore, for here my journey ended. I could neither swim nor there was any other way to get to the other shore. "Wrong," Lena said dryly, "you can cross the river if you just want to!" I was about to get angry at this incomprehensible answer when an image flashed through my mind of standing on the shore, stretching out my arms and floating across.

Lena said nothing, but helped me stand up, and again I closed my eyes, felt my arms grow, and stretched them out carefully. For a moment I thought I saw the river rushing by below me, but when I opened my eyes I was still standing on the bank. "Wrong," Lena said with a smile, "on the other bank!" As I looked around, I almost felt dizzy: on the other bank.

Lena pointed to a large rock and told me to go there, there would be a cave where she was waiting for me with a warm meal and where we would stay and study for the next time. She disappeared before I could answer anything to this nonsense. I set off, stood at the foot of the rock and saw the cave entrance, unreachably high. The rock surely rose 30 meters perpendicular to the cave entrance. I closed my eyes and wished I could get up there. I wished it to myself completely firmly, I wanted to go up there absolutely, no matter what the cost, since Lena was my only connection to the world. I had to go up, up! Lena coughed behind me and and asked amusedly, "Where else, up where?" I opened my eyes and saw that I was already standing in the cave entrance. Under my feet the rock dropped straight down to the sandy beach, in front of me the wide, gray‐blue sea, and in my stomach a new, sinking feeling. The depth. The power. And because I was "up there."

Unsteadily, I joined Lena inside the cave, a bird sizzling on a the spit. "Some kind of seagull, also do not know so sure" Lena growled, blinking in the acrid smoke. I was all weak kneed and hungry, which really hurt. And a thousand questions.

"Drink something first, back there" Lena pointed to the back of the cave. I obeyed and drank the cold, clear water. Rainwater that over the rock and the sloping ceiling into a small depression had trickled in. "Right!" exclaimed Lena silently, smiling proudly at me. Then I sat back down by the fire and pulled my cowl up a bit so I could warm my legs. Lena said she would answer some questions for me until the bird was through, for it was tougher than one would would assume.

"A few people have a much larger brain capacity than anyone else. It lies fallow, and if it is not used, that is, if it is not opened, then it cannot develop its power. You have been considered a fool for many years, no one has been able to unfold your brain, although you had become a valuable mutant due to nuclear contamination. Your arms and hands, the Fingers — a failure! Your excessively libidinous sexuality — likewise. But your brain, that is one of the kind worthy of a great magician. No, don't interrupt me now. Your brain is full of tremendous power."

"Little Jan could only use a tiny little part, and that wasn't very much. You were thought to be retarded for a long time, even though the majority of your brain just lay fallow. I have used our old healing methods on you, and you can already use a larger part of your brain. You can see me, you have learned to read and think, sometimes you can already hear other people's thoughts. Anger and rage have released the power in you and you set the house on fire with just a thought. You flew over the river and up here into the cave. Those are the facts, and we're only at the beginning of that developments."

Stupid and dazed, I sat there trying to understand every word she said. I knew it had all happened, but I couldn't, perhaps wouldn't, grasp exactly what it meant. Lena left me alone with my thoughts and handled the spit, tasting the tough bird and commenting, "Hmmh!" The smell of roasting meat rose to my nose and Lena handed me a hot piece of bird on a stick. "Hold it all the way at the end and turn your head — then you can take a bite." I ate and threw the gnawed bone into the fire. There were still so many questions unanswered, and I sat by the fire, warming my legs, my thighs, and feeling that old familiar tug in my loins, so good did the warmth do me.

Lena smiled and said that I would of course forever remain a bit of little Jan, of course, as far as my libidinous cock was concerned, and winked insinuatingly over at my companion. She gnawed on her bird's leg and sat across from me by the fire, my hungry eyes gliding over her white robe to her legs, onto the black frizzy hair, and my cock announced itself unmistakably. Lena grinned and said, damn it, she was going to finish the bird first, for all the heavens!

I laughed because that made her sound a lot like Kalle. We both laughed because we were holding our legs up to the fire for warmth while unabashedly looking "under each other's frocks". Lena's pussy seemed so exciting to me, as if I had never seen her naked before, and my cock meanwhile peeked cheekily and throbbing between my thighs, warmed itself also at the fire and let me think ever more urgently of squirting. But then the bird was finally plastered, and Lena sat down next to me, nestled her young‐girl body firmly against me, and stroked my leg. Her hand slowly slid up my inner thigh and delicately touched my cock.

I felt her thoughts, in which she was already gently rubbing my cock and letting the semen squirt out in a thick stream. But I was full and lazy and wanted to fuck now rather, much rather than that Lena made it to me with her hand. Lena sat up first puzzled when this thought went through my head, then she hugged and kissed me, the first time in the middle of the mouth, tongued in it like Anni and cooed. She took off my robe and laid it like a blanket on the floor, then she let her white robe slide to the floor and lay down on the frock. Her nudity was no longer little‐girlish, but lascivious and demanding. The wild gasping and impatient beating of the heart of the female jaguar, which with she impatiently follows every move of her chosen one.

I snuggled next to her and caressed her little chest with my little fingers, Lena lolling and stretching and looking at me with glittering eyes, dreamily stroking her little clit. "Mommy, want to fuck!" Little Jan whispered in my head, and Lena, smiling, pulled me to her, helped put my cock in her hole with her hand, and we fucked hastily, quickly and excitedly. Blissfully I stroked Lena's and mother's skin, caressed her and mother's lips and felt my semen flowing softly pulsating into them. Mother, Irene, Veronika — I sank down on Lena's belly and fell asleep crying softly.

I dreamed of Anni and her little pale pink breast lashes, the half‐closed eyes and the wonderful gurgling moans that turned into deep cooing when she had an orgasm. Theresa's racing finger that made the little clit quiver. My cock was hard again and I half awoke, penetrated Lena again and fucked her, long and wild. Lena held me gently and lovingly embraced, teasing my cock and cheering me on until I squirted hard and strong. Now I was wide awake and hugging Lena as best I could; I was grateful for how natural and arousing she was letting this adventure develop for me. She covered us with a blanket she took from somewhere and gently kissed my eyes.

I fell asleep immediately.